I have been talking about reaching out to your loved ones and making sure they know you care. Even discussed about ways to care for yourself. But how about ways to comfort those that are struggling? What is comfort and how do you comfort your friends?
Comforting a friend
Your best friend comes to you crying because her boyfriend just broke up with her while degrading her. How would you handle a situation like this? Let me tell you how I would. (This is just how I would. I am not implying this is the best or only way to handle it.) My first reaction would be to give my friend a hug and some tissues. But then, I would sit and listen to every word my friend says. Letting them go through the long list of emotions bursting to get out. The tears, the screaming, the anger, the sorrow. Then, when they get to the part of rationalizing what the boyfriend said and they begin to wonder if they were the issue, I would stop them.
Words are just as powerful
Here’s the thing, from being bullied for 7 years, I know that words do hurt as much, and maybe even more, than sticks and stones. Because those words carry for a very long time. So, when my friend begins to think that maybe if they were pretty enough, thin enough, smarter, or sexier, I have to stop them. What would changing the way you look do? How would being thinner, prettier, or smarter do anything to help? Answer: It doesn’t. It doesn’t help because you become someone else. Not YOU!
Comforting family
How about, your spouse gets a call that someone they loved has passed and they are visibly upset. This is one subject that has many people confused on what they should do or not do. Answer: it depends. You see, every person is different in what it takes to comfort them in situations. Especially ones that are full of emotions like a death. I know of some people that handle events like this by needing to constantly be doing something. It is not that if they stop, they will break down, it is because they process an event like this differently.
Say or Do
I myself need action of comfort instead of words. The words tell me that they have thought about me, but the actions tell me that they care about me. I personally need the hugs. To have someone tell me that they have the other areas of my life taken care of for me so I can concentrate on the event, means the world to me. Even to have my friends reach out to me to check in on me, tells me that I am on their mind.
Just ask
To comfort someone that is working through an event that has such high emotional strain, my best response would be to know that person. Are they ones that need the hugs or are they ones that just need to be busy? Maybe even asking them what would they like? But the biggest part, is to be there for them in either case.
Complicated like us
Comfort is not easy to give. It is complicated, because everyone is so unique. There will be times when a tub of ice cream with your best friend is needed. Comforting is also best given just by reaching out to check in. A phone call or text to say that they are on your mind can bring comfort to someone sitting at home with their mind in a dark place.
Don’t stop talking to your friends and family. Reach out to those you haven’t spoken to in a while. Remind them that they are still loved and cared for. Because it will be a matter of time when you need comfort. In life, we all need comfort.
