This may be a short post, but I have to get this out. I have lived my life for the past 48 years a certain way. As I child I was so desperate to have a friend that I would try to be like the other kids just to fit in. I was so desperate to have a boy like me that I would act the way I thought they wanted. Even now as an adult I still change…no, I leave who I am to the side to please others. And I am tired of it. It is time I changed directions.
Effects
I was talking with a friend today about all of this and as I was telling them about how I was feeling, it was clear to me that I couldn’t do this anymore. All week, I have been walking around on autopilot. When asked if everything was okay, I couldn’t really answer, because I couldn’t feel anything. And then today, while at work, I could feel my physical health was taking a hit. I was getting lightheaded and dizzy. My stress level was staying too high for me to find time to calm my mind. I was losing control.
Not Easy
The change I need to make is going to be very hard. But it is very necessary. If I want someone to like me, I must like me first. And that is the problem. I still fight the inner battles of not feeling good enough. Of feeling like I am unwanted because of any reason I can think of. Now is the time that I need to stop it. Looking in the mirror and believe that I am special. I know this is true. Several people tell me daily. I would not have the friends in my life if there was not something about me they liked and cared about. And I would not have so many people willing to take time out of their crazy lives to check up on me.
Time for Change
It’s time to make a change. To rise and stand tall. Be the person I want to be. The person I have always dreamt of being in this life. Because if I don’t do this now, there when? Is this my day one, or my one day? Well, I am done. I am tired of fighting. Exhausted of the anxiety and burnt out of the depression. I know this will not be easy. I may even lose some in my life because of it. But it is time. I need to do this for me and for my family.
Thank you for listening to me. When life throws curve balls at you, sometimes you just need to let it go. And you, my friends, are my safe place. You bring me joy to know that you are reading this and maybe feeling a little of the same thing. You have been supporting me and so I support you. I believe in you as you have been believing in me all these years. Thank you my friends.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
