Are you seeking peace or approval?

I like to watch the little reels videos on Facebook to be able to turn my mind off for a little while. And because I like many videos about mental health and self-improvement, there are so many videos on my Facebook page to watch. There are influencers that dedicate their videos about knowing your self-worth and there are groups like Dhar Mann that make stories about respecting others and believing in yourself. But one video came on today that hit closer to home than I thought it would. What are we really seeking out in the world, peace or approval?

Tearing Apart

The story came from a social media influencer. It was very simple and played by one man. It was a man asking his friend how he can be so calm around people. He found out that a friend of a friend didn’t like him, and it was bothering him. This man was trying to ask his friend how he is able to not let things like this bother him. Just a negative comment from that is not close to him, was tearing apart this man.

The calm friend tried to explain that he was giving this negative comment too much energy. Allowing this unknown person to take up too much space in his mind. But it was the last statement that really impacted me the most. This calm friend asked him, “what are you really trying to find? Are you seeking peace, or approval?” And from there, I sat just staring at my phone.

Calm Peace

As I have talked about so much here, that I struggled my whole life with an overwhelming need to be accepted by everyone. Having someone ignore me, even for something very small, would affect me. Pull me into a spiral of darkness that ultimately would frustrate me. And when I say small, having one instance of me making a small comment or asking a question and not being heard, we will be enough.

But it is more than that. I also fought this assumption that I was not good enough or special enough for anyone. I would settle on just having someone in my life so that I can say I have someone that cares about me. When really, that doesn’t care as much as I deserve.  And as I lived through those years, I never realized the problem. I was seeking more approval than peace. Well, not anymore.

Anxiety

When I heard the man in the video say that phrase, it hit me. Too much of my life was spent seeking approval from anyone and everyone that it was consuming everything. My anxiety about doing well at work or at school was solely based on if I received any compliments of my work. If I don’t, then I must not be doing good. At no time was I truly seeking peace in my life.

We all deserve to have peace. But if we allow others to impact us and take up our mental wellbeing, then we will never find peace. We have the choice of how we react to situations. The choice to ignore and not let words affect us, or to be angry and hurt. I have had many people tell me about how I am so patient with people, and some have called me a saint. That is because I don’t react to many things that I encounter. To me it is not worth the energy. Unfortunately, there are still some areas that I still seek approval. Areas that I need to stop and refocus on me and seek the peace I deserve.

Enjoy this video.

With great warmth,