I have been standing here at my son’s school waiting for him to come out, watching all of these other families and how they interact with each other. I have been watching the parent’s overall look compared to their child’s appearance. It got me thinking about my son and childhood in general. As a parent, am I helping my child, or are my words hurting his later years too?
Have you ever said or heard, “comb your hair, it looks like a mess?” Here’s another one, “tuck your shirt in so you don’t look like a slob.” And one I know many girls have heard, “put some makeup on so you don’t look dead.” Sticks and stones may break our bones, but are our words just as bad? This can be argued both ways.
Argument One:
I am trying to teach my child to care about how they present themselves to others. Will someone take them seriously, when they are an adult, if they are in dirty shirts and worn-out pants? Taking the extra time to make an effort in their appearance also shows they can be reliable and respected. It is also showing that you value yourself and you are willing to put your best foot forward.
Argument Two:
But am I taking away their right to be themselves? To be unique and their own person, enhancing their personality in their style. What about caring about their opinion on how they dress and style themselves? Especially when their look is compared to a negative outlook. How does this interaction about their overall appearance going to affect their mental health as a teenager and adult?
The Answer…
Is there a right answer? No. Because I feel that both sides have a good point. We want our children to take pride in themselves and how they look. Feeling like they would probably personally feel better if they looked nicer. However, we don’t want to stifle their personality. Let them be the unique people they are growing up to be. Be their own person. We also don’t want to make them feel like if they don’t always look their absolute best, they will not be liked. Bringing forth depression and anxiety with my words.
My son’s hair is much like mine. It is fine and short. So, no matter how I tried to style his hair, it only wanted to lay flat, straight down his head. Do you know how many times I would hear about needing to comb his hair to look like a normal little boy? Or when he got out of the bath and after towel drying his hair, it stuck straight up. He loved it and wanted to keep it that way. Until he was told to comb it down or he would look weird in the morning.
Words do affect us
I remember growing up with the other kids talking about how my clothes were always bland. I grew up constantly trying to look my best or I would not have any friends. Now as an adult, I still do not feel comfortable in plain sweats. It has to be my nice jeans and a stylish top with my boots or sandals (heels). I don’t even have athletic shoes (sneakers). Why do I do this? I feel like if I am not always on point, then I will not be noticed and appreciated.
As we are going through our days, raising our families, teaching the children to be good people and show respect and be nice to others. Are we paying close attention to how we are talking to our kids? I love my son, but am I teaching him the best way to view himself as he grows up and builds his own identity?
With great warmth,
