They are small little things. Watching your every move. Picking up on your every word. Even seeing how you react. These little creatures are our pride and joy. Giving us hugs and kisses. Filled with those big soulful eyes that we melt to. We provide for them. Make sure they are clean, have food, happy, and always learning. But we forget that one piece. Those little eyes and ears see everything. You have a bad day at work, they feel your frustration. Breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, they see the tears. They even hear the late-night crying. Picking up everything around them.
To hide or not to hide
This is where I struggle. With all I go through in my life, is it helpful to my son to hide it or to let him see it so I can explain it? Hiding it has good aspects and bad. First, kids are young and emotions are confusing even to most adults. (That I know all too well.) Seeing their parents constantly suffering through their tears and panic attacks makes the world that much scarier. And I don’t think we need to add to that right now. But, hiding it also puts a heavier weight on us parents. We are already putting on a mask the minute we walk out the door. Friends and family don’t know all that is going on. Home is a safe place to let go of the mask. Not to mention, doesn’t this also give the children a false idea that everything is okay?
Lead by example
Okay, let’s look at this another way. Being open with children about emotions, that their parents are only human, and they have things that make them sad. Or they have things in their life that scare them. Does educating them about emotions help them? Will seeing their parents as people that are not super strong and can handle anything make things in their life harder or easier? There is no right or wrong answer. I know there are people that will disagree. But think of this, would my life be a little easier had I known that I had a family member that also experienced depression? Could I have felt that maybe I wasn’t alone? Maybe.
They watch
Whether we are open to our kids about what we battle or not, understand this. They do see and hear it anyway. This has a compound effect. First, they may begin to worry about us a little more. Maybe they will be a little more cautious about our feelings and help us a little more. Maybe not. But how we handle ourselves through our struggles is what they will pick up on the most. Because there they will see that if they find themselves struggling in their adult life, they can be like Mom and Dad, and they will fight back too.
One step forward
If our kids find us battling, but every day we get up. Each day we take another step forward. Maybe we will start reaching out to friends and family. Or even better, we get professional help. They will see all of this too. They will see that we are just a person. We all feel. And we all bleed. Sorry to say, we are not superheroes. But to our kids, we are everything. So, if we cannot open up to them about why a car backfiring in the street sends us running, unable to breathe, we can show them that we still stand up. That we still show up.
Pass the test of life
Everyone struggles in life. With PTSD, depression, anxiety, and many others, the world constantly tests us. If we struggle now, what will our kids find in 20 years when they are adults? How will they know that you will feel sad, hurt, scared, and moody? What will they do if they find themselves unable to breathe because they smell the smoke of a barbeque, and it reminds them of a trauma event in their life? By hiding that the world is all peaches and sunshine, only hides the help they will need too.
Is the world scary? Yes. But our kids, just like all the adults in the world, need to know that it is okay to feel scared. It is okay to not feel okay. “But remember that one time your mom was crying for two days straight? Yeah, she then got up and she started doing things that she found made her feel better. You can do that too!” Kids will see so much. Hear everything around them. Learn from everyone they meet. Be their best teacher and remind them that feelings and emotions are not something to hide. Express them and talk about them. That is how we will all make it through this test called life.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
