Kids say the darndest things. I mean some of the things that my son or his friends say come from an imagination that is open to the world. And I love hearing all about it, seeing how creative they can be. Nothing is off limits. My son would talk about seeing the clouds in the sky and thinking about our dogs that have passed away jumping from cloud to cloud playing and watching us. Then stories about being a ninja or the slayer of all evil and he is set out to protect me or his friends.
I love hearing these stories. Sometimes he would tell me a joke or two he heard from school. But I have to admit, there are times when I am super busy or wrapped up in work that I just didn’t have the patience or time to sit and listen to him. It happens and I feel bad when it does. Because it is during these times that I learn so much about him. And it is these times that can help me in the future.
Talking with meaning
You see, I have mentioned that he was bullied a couple of years ago and I have as well. I found out about this from my son when I continued to ask questions. Using techniques of general conversations to get information without trying to accuse or belittle him. That technique helped so many times with him. Finding out times when he would try to lie about not being the one that caused the problem at school, only to discover he was. And it is helping even more now.
You see, my son (being an only child) was spoiled and now at the age of 8, we are working through the learning of consequences. Some days he does really good. Then there are the days he doesn’t do so hot. This is where I pay a very close attention to his actions. Because you see, kids say the darndest things…and some scary ones.
Not always visible signs
I have talked about making sure we always check on our family and friends to make sure they are okay. The big thing, is to listen to them, not just hear their words. Because there are going to be many times when someone could be asking for help, without actually asking for help.
Think of this, your child is a typical happy kid when they are playing with their friends. Occasionally, they have some emotional moments, either with you or the other kids. The games they play are becoming a little more violent. Your child is only wanting to play with certain kids. Then you start hearing their stories and it turns to more missing people from their lives that passed away and saying things like, “I miss him. Life was more fun when they were here.” (Trigger)
Pay close attention
Did you catch it? The red flag right there? Kids and teenagers, especially, are not going to come out and just announce that they are depressed and thinking dark thoughts. This is where parenting gets harder. We already have work life, home life, kids, and somewhere in there we have to take care of ourselves. But our kids need our help and they don’t know how to ask for it.
We cannot ignore any change in behavior. Change in eating, playing, and their general personality. There is no ignoring of jokes, comments, or any words they say. Jokes always have a small element of truth, that is what makes a joke funny. But that element of truth could be one of a cry for help.
Just take some time
I have had people ask me, what if they know I will give in because they start crying or say things like they don’t like their life, so it is like they are using me to get what they want? Easy, talk to them! Ask them questions as to what do they mean? Find out if they understand what they are saying. But never…never…never ignore! It could be the difference between life and death.
I promised my son that I would never ignore, turn a blind-eye, or brush off anything he says. We keep a full truth communication between us. Questions, discussions, and together we will work through anything that is bothering him. So, when he would tell me, “Mom, I know I need to do what you told me to do. But it feels like my brain is forcing me to think about other things.” And especially if he says, “I am so stupid.” Or “I can’t do anything right.” I stop and immediately address the statement.
Always the best…
We as parents, only want the best for our children. Their lives are full of learning the right and wrong. About how the world started and all that has happened to get us here to today. Think about when you were their age and remember all of the confusion, questions, and emotions you were learning. Our kids need us to guide them. We need to listen to them. Hear all they say and especially all they don’t say. Watch over them and teach them that emotions are okay. Having questions is okay. That the only person you need to be better than, is the person you were yesterday. No one else matters. That we love them no matter what style they wear their hair, or the clothes they have one.
Please, if you hear (even as a joke) any comments from your kids about struggling, hating life, being hard on themselves, or see any change in their lives…do something. Anything! That is when they will need your love the most.
Please enjoy some of the music videos.
With great warmth,
Awesome read.