You hear someone say the word “Addiction” and what is the first thing that comes into your mind? Drugs, alcohol, or gambling? Probably. I bet some of you never thought about food, sex, intimacy, exercise, working, the internet, and so much more. Addiction is commonly described in the 4 C’s: Compulsion, Cravings, Consequences, and Control. Are you compelled to do this, to have this? Do you crave it? Is the consequence of you having/doing this a positive or negative? Can you control your desire for this? So, I have to ask, have you ever been addicted? I have…and I am.
4 C’s
In researching addiction, many sites focused on those I mentioned above. Gambling addiction, drug addiction (illegal and prescription), alcohol addiction including rehabs. But I had to find out, was there such a thing as a positive addiction? You may say that addiction to exercise and meditation are examples of positive addictions. I don’t agree. In this article in Psychology Today, the concept of a positive addiction is one that becomes more of an oxymoron. Think back to the 4 C’s above. You may have the compulsion and the craving, and the consequence may be a positive one. However, the control is too strong to be able to classify it as an addiction. You have control over when you go and how much you do.
I am addicted
My addiction is not what you think. I came have realized over these last 6 months that my addiction is the need of admiration. Let me explain. I have a compulsion to always look my best, act in a certain way just so that someone will like me. I crave the compliments and expressions of cherishment I receive from those that are not already a part of my “circle”. The consequence in receiving praise is a positive one as I feel better about myself, and my mental state is happier. Unfortunately, there is a negative consequence. When I stop getting praise, I begin to feel depressed with thoughts of being ugly, not good enough, and that I am no one special. However, finally in my 40’s, I am currently learning to control my desire for the complement.
More common than you think
Do you remember my post last year, “Do Your Attachments Make You Suffer?”, in this post I spoke about my unhealthy attachment to people that showed any sense of care or appreciation to me. That attachment is my addiction. I crave the need for someone to tell me and show me that I am special. This is dangerous since I have taught myself over the years that I require outside approval to be happy. I cannot appreciate my own self without the appreciation of someone else.
Starts with a choice
Let’s look at this a little deeper. In this article called Biology of Addiction, although it is focused on drugs and alcohol, I believe it is still quite useful. There is a statement in this article, “A common misconception is that addiction is a choice or moral problem, and all you have to do is stop. But nothing is further from the truth,” By Dr. George Koob. I solely agree with this. Regarding my own addiction, I have lived with this for most of my life. Now for the last 2 years, I have been trying to learn ways to understand the need, bring my own thoughts to focus on me, and finally learn ways to self-love. This is not something I can just wake up one day and say, “I don’t care what anyone says. I think I look good, and I don’t need anyone’s approval.”
Other ways
Addiction is not just to substances. If someone is addicted to exercising, there is a craving to push beyond what they can do to lose weight or build muscle. The consequence of possible physical harm to their bodies is very dangerous. Having the willpower to control a desire like that is also extremely difficult. Addictions can not only hurt physically, but the mental torment a person experiences can be just as harmful.
I spoke to my therapist regarding my need for outside affirmation. Plus that the times when my need is not met, the dark path I follow. This is where self-love and self-care come into play. Learning to be able to look in a mirror and just like what I see. It actually was by coincidence that I was able to break from one of my attachments recently by having the opportunity to believe I was physically unable to contact the person I wanted to. I discovered that by having the possibility of any contact removed, I was able to redirect my focus. Another words, by just stopping conversation or being told to not contact, I am being denied by someone. However, in my case, there was no one person telling me no. It was just not physically possible.
Breaking the cycle
Think about rehabs. Are you not taking a person away from the addiction and the possibility of accessing that addiction by making it physically impossible to receive it? They are not sitting at home and avoiding alcohol because they were told no. They are in a facility that is closely monitored and removed from the possibility of accessing the alcohol for a period of time. Giving the person a chance to break away from the attachment and refocus on themselves, their needs, and what is really important to them.
Are you addicted? Through understanding our own needs and wants, addictions can be controlled and overcome. Patience, time, and support are vital in conquering the desire. Addictions are not positive. There may be times when it feels good. But look deeper. Try not to let the false hopes and fakes positive feelings hide the real problem. Get help. Talk to someone. Reach out.
Enjoy these videos.
With great warmth,
