I was recently talking with some friends of mine about my career path and the choices I have in front of me. I have been looking at changing from real estate into mental health. However, someone mentioned I should also look into writing as I love to write and (apparently) they said I am really good at it. So when my friends started asking if I had thought about podcasts and videos, I was ready to shoot down the idea in a heartbeat. Suddenly, I could feel my heart rate kick up and I was beginning to get fidgety. My anxiety and fear were building inside.
Is fear choosing my life path for me?
I am a very visual person. Another words, I am the type of person that when told not to think about pink elephants, not only do I think about them, but they are dancing in tutus. They are on a stage with bears, but the bears are mad at them. And then I can see the crowd watching the two interact. Wondering what could have happened to cause such anger. I am that type of person. (By the way, that was just a minute of my thoughts. It goes on and in greater detail from there.) So, when I am faced with a trigger like exposing my voice and my looks for the world to see and hear, the visual thoughts flood in of both exciting and terrifying. The terrifying thoughts begin to grow and I begin to back away (quickly) from the idea.
How powerful is fear
Fear is only as strong as we allow it to be. The problem is, we give it too much strength. We allow it to grow in our minds and rather facing it, we find walking away and ignoring it to be easier. Is it really easier for us? Because lately, I am finding that when I do not face my fear, the events or triggers keep showing up in my life. For example, at my work, I had the ability to become a property manager. Many people had told me I would be very good at it. It was offered and my bosses had asked many times if I would consider it. Part of me was scared to do it. (This was also well before getting my degree and deciding to change career paths.) Scared because there is so much more to the role than just running the property. Working with owners, executives, budgets, mediating with tenants, being on call 24 hours a day. These are things that I do not like. When someone has a complaint, they go to the manager. My fear of someone being unhappy with me, stops me. The pressure stops me.
I was asked at least 10 times at work and another 20 times by my family about becoming a manager. Then suddenly, it stopped. And now I watch my coworkers move up in the company as I sit in my position. Even if I was interested, (still not) it would be unlikely that I would be offered that opportunity again. My fear has altered my life path.
The emotions of anxiety
We all have something we are scared to do. Something that can be so terrifying in our mind, we vow to never let it happen. The anxiety we feel as we are faced with this “something” can be small and insignificant to complete debilitation. Anxiety can be difficult to describe to others, especially when they do not fully understand why you are so scared. Except the emotions we feel are so common. Fear comes through usually right away. The longer we are faced with the trigger, the closer we come to panic. I know some people have also broken-down crying. Or they may actually start hysterically laughing. At these points, the panic is taking hold.
The body of anxiety
I have been watching my actions much closer since I started my path in mental health. Discovering some body actions that I wasn’t always aware of, but now make more sense. When I am anxious about something that could happen but not fully sure it will, I have found myself biting the inside of my cheek. I have had this habit for several years. A family friend pointed it out to me over 20 years ago. Another action I discovered more recently was that I must move. Most of the time, I use my hands in playing with my rings or any jewelry I am wearing. Today with my friends, I found myself rubbing my leg for no reason. It did help that I purchased an anxiety ring that has a chain down the middle of it. Because I use that more often, during those times.
Nothing to be afraid of
We all have fears in our life. Some of those can be dangerous and some simple. Would I ever jump out of a plane (with a parachute of course)? No. That is one fear that will not be faced. But will I also stop flying just because I am scared of the take off and landing? For me, no. I will continue to fly. People like to say that there is nothing to really be afraid of. Not quite sure I believe that. What I do believe is that if you are scared, research and prepare as much as you can. Talk with people you trust that have experienced your fear. I bet if you dissect it so much, you just may not be as fearful of it.
I am scared of putting myself out into the world to see and hear me only to get rejected and say I am no good or I am ugly. My fear is of my own creation. And right now, I have been in the process of dissecting myself and building my own self-love. Because in the end, I am responsible for my own happiness. I need to start believing in myself, not because of anyone else. It is time for fear to be afraid of me.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
