Recently I am seeing quotes and images that say, “think of this the next time you feel your life is getting too hard.” And I have to be honest, I hate those signs. If I went through life comparing my troubles every day to those around the world…it would be like comparing watermelons to a grain of sand. The world around us has problems that are imaginable. So how could I ever compare my depression to that?
If it helps
That is something that so many people try to use, thinking they are helping those of us that struggle. Like this for instance. I have told people about some of the issues I struggle with on a daily basis. If I have a particularly bad day, I might share some details about it with some of my friends. A few have returned to me with this statement, “well, if it helps, I had a really bad day too.” Guess what? NO! It doesn’t help. As a matter of fact, I am now adding the emotion of anger to my day.
Even at home
The way I see it, when I receive a statement from someone like that, I perceive it as they don’t care. They do not care about me and what I may be going through. So, let me ask you parents out there, how many times have you used a phrase similar to, “you should be thankful for what you have, because there are children out there with nothing” on your own kids? (Yeah, I have too.) Don’t get me wrong. I wish I had enough money to give all kids everything they wanted, give food and homes to all in need. But I don’t. And right now, I need to focus on my home, my life, my family. That is enough weight on my shoulders as it is.
Having someone deflect your pain, hurt, sadness, or any other emotion you are going through away can only lead to more. More sadness. Even more pain. Add in more anger. It is as if we all forget why we try to share our feelings in the first place.
Supporting what matters
Support. We all need support in our lives. From friends and family to coworkers and even strangers. The feeling of support is like a big bear hug. That protection and feeling that things can get better. It is vital in our lives to have some support from someone that is willing to just listen without the judgement. To care how we feel, how we think, and how we have been trying to live every day. So, when that one person comes in with a statement trying to deflect your feelings and emotions, that support bond is broken.
You matter to me
We all matter. No matter what our trauma event is. Whether a breakup, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or even an argument with a friend or family member. The event matters. You matter. Your feelings matter. Don’t ever let anyone, even your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, tell you otherwise. What you feel, experience, and live through matters, because it matters to you.
Always matter to yourself
You want to push yourself to expect the best from yourself, that matters. Want to quit your job in one industry and change to something completely different, it matters. You feel that you have to pack up and move to another country, state, or even on a boat, all matters. It is important because you want it. Because it is important to you. So, the next time you struggle with something in your life, pick your support system carefully. Know who you have in your life that will stand next to you. Who will stand behind you. And who will stand in front of you guiding and protecting you.
With great warmth,
