Recently, I have been battling trying to find myself. After spending so many years being the quiet one and dedicating my time and energy to helping everyone around me, I fell into a constant depression. There were so many years that I walked around and even told people that my purpose on earth was to make everyone around me happy. But I had a problem…a big problem. I was losing myself.
Past the Future
I have been coming across quotes that would say, “let the past go, it is not what makes you.” Or “focus on who you are today because your past cannot change. Only the future can.” As these statements are true, so is one that would say, “your past and childhood is your foundation to grow on.” This is what I think.
My past was one of misunderstood loneliness. Having two older brothers and no sisters, I was forced to find my own friends, by myself. I was always scared to trust people coming from bullying and teasing I had at school. I was always quiet because I didn’t know what was going on or how to verbalize how I felt. So, I was learning how to keep my voice to myself, and my feelings hidden. Add in the large body frame and you have a recipe for self-doubt and self-criticism.
Caring for Now
That was all about 30-40 years ago. Times are different now…or are they. Look at your kids. Are they verbalizing how they feel to you? Can they openly talk about thoughts and emotions with you and not feel judged or pushed? Mental health still carries a strong stigma in society, although the numbers of clients seeking therapy is growing each year.
Self-Care in Necessity
Today I met with my therapist, and she told me that she has been pushing harder these last sessions for more self-care for me. She can see that I still, even at 45, struggle to open up about how I feel and the thoughts that I battle with daily. Especially, if I am telling her I wish I could hide away for a month and go off grid from everyone. Just to hopefully shut down my mind. She could see that I needed to push myself into more self-care in order to survive everything I face.
Self-care is something everyone should practice. It can be anything from an hour or 2 of doing your favorite hobby. Going for a walk alone or with a friend. Taking some time to block out the daily stress and focus solely on just you. That means, no going to places the other person wants. Not doing what the spouse wants to do. This is your time. Whether it is one hour, one day, one week or longer. You have to answer, “what do you want to do?”
Having Time
Many of use struggle to find the time to practice self-care. This is the biggest issue for me. My days are always filled with things for others. It can be work, job, finding a new job, my son, his homework, helping my husband, etc. There have even been times that I cherished when everyone has gone to sleep before I have, and I am lying in bed wide awake. I enjoy that time because I get to listen to my music, turn off my thoughts and just relax and enjoy.
Not Just for Us
Self-care can be something we also do to help our kids to open up and battle their own stresses. What are some of the things your kids like to do? Giving them the chance to decompress after school, or offering time in the day to turn their mind off with a walk in the park, around the mall, or to get some fast food. This is a time to tell them that you understand they have stress and emotions. The time to show them how to take care of themselves. Allow them to build up their inner strength. Because we all know, when they get older, the stress is harder.
Take Care
Just remember one thing. You cannot help anyone if you are not able to help care for yourself. I was reminded of this…quite sternly. I had been careless with my medication for my blood pressure. When my friends found out, I was scolded and reminded that if I want to be able to help my son grow up to be the best man he can be, I need to care about myself, my health, and my mind.
Take good care of yourself.
With great warmth,
