Boundaries are not just something on a map. Having a balance of limitation can provide safety, comfort, and peace in a person’s life. Whether you need to set them for coworkers and bosses, friends, your children, or your significant others. Boundaries are necessary in a healthy relationship. That is as long as everyone can stick to them.
Boundaries at work
Boundaries at work are some of the more difficult to set and even more difficult to maintain. Workplace boundaries that show respect for your coworker’s desk or office, respect for fellow coworker’s time, and the understanding that not one person is more important than any other. Seems easy, right? Ahh, but so many of us have been taught that you need to be a team player in the workplace to be able to go up the corporate ladder. So, if we are limiting what we are willing to do, pushing back on projects, or just showing a negative interaction with our coworkers, won’t that work against us?
Even setting boundaries with our bosses can be a huge challenge. Limiting how many projects we take on, pushing back due to time restraints, and even restricting the use of our resources unnecessarily. Again, it is about respect from not only us to our bosses, but from the boss to us. To communicate an understanding that our own time is valuable, and our mental health is important.
Boundaries at home
Boundaries at home, can be easy or hard. It all depends on when, how, are they enforced, and could something else be affecting. You see, I am struggling with this one right now. Raising my son as an only child resulted in constant treats, comfort, and rewards. What it did not have was limits and consequences. So now at 8 years old, we are setting how he treats us as parents, enforcement of chores around the house, and boundaries for physical health.
Unfortunately, boundaries are not just necessary for children and parents. Siblings, spouses, loved ones, and even roommates should be setting boundaries (within reason). Siblings could set limits of time because maybe one is working, or another is in need of help with homework. Spouses can set boundaries with each other so that each has the opportunity to have some “me” time. Even setting boundaries with each other to hold a uniform approach with the children can help the relationship.
Impacts
In a perfect world, we set a boundary within the home or workplace, and everyone respects it and all is peaceful. But as we all see, we are not in a perfect world. Boundaries, like everything else in life, has elements that can impact the necessity, the ease, and the ability to follow. First and foremost, outside extending circumstances. Physical health, mental health, and at times, the age of the people involved. Obviously, physical health will limit the ability of some boundaries to be upheld. But the mental health is just as challenging. Someone with ADHD has a different mental process and boundaries must be formulated to handle the diversity. My son, for example, has a mind that tends to think through methodically and rationally. To him, everyone in the house is equal. The respect and fairness that we expect from him, is at the same level he expects from us. The difference is that he is 8 and, well, I am not.
The main key to all boundaries, no matter where or with whom, is the maintenance. Standing your ground with anyone testing the boundary is vital. There are too many people that we all interact with, that could easily exploit the “weak link” of the boundary. This is the biggest challenge we will all face. It is here that we must hold the most strength. It is not just with the others, but with ourselves. Because ultimately, it is vital to our self-love, self-care, and our mental health that the strength behind the boundary we place, can withhold any push.
Child Mind Institute – Teaching Kids about Boundaries
With great warmth,
