I want you to think about your friends, coworkers, family, all of the people you walk past every day at the store. See those people? It is very possible at least one of you is suffering from depression. Did you know that 8.4% United States adults have been diagnosed with depression (NIMH, 2020)? Now think about all of those that have depression and do not get treated or diagnosed. Depression and mental health disorders are not like physical illnesses that can be visible.
Depression episodes
I have been working through several areas of my life all at the same time. This challenge in my life has also brought out my depression. I have been working through depressive episodes almost on a daily basis lately. But ask any of my coworkers if they can tell and they probably would be surprised to find out. Every day I feel lonely, numb, overwhelmed, anxious, and many times very sad. And every day I get up, go to work, take care of my family, do my schoolwork for my masters, and get through the day.
Dangerous
Depression is a dangerous disease. When someone’s mind is pulled into the darkness of their thoughts, it is very difficult to be pulled back out. Personally, I can be sitting with a group of people and still feel lonely. However, I know (in my case) what tends to fuel my depression. You see, I am an overthinker. Unless I am constantly assured, confirmed, and reminded of how people feel about me, think about me, and value me, I will find a way to question it. I need direct and precise descriptions of everything, or I will begin to think about any and all ways to question their validity.
Struggles
You say I am beautiful, that I am strong, and I am a good person today? In about one to two weeks from now, I will start to think that you do not care about me, think about me, even consider me because I struggle to believe what you say. Do I like hearing these things? Of course. But I struggle with self-love that my mind begins to dissect everything every one has told me and I will start to tell myself that it must not be true.
Family and Friends
This also makes my friendships strained. Throughout childhood, I would make one close friend and stick to them like glue. That is until they did something I didn’t like or they moved away. As an adult, I am still like this. I have acquaintances. Even some good friends that I really like hanging out with. But there are only a small amount of people that I would call special friends. Those that know me the best. And that is a problem. Remember, I stick to them like glue. But as an adult, these people have their own lives. I know this and understand this. So, when I cannot talk to them every day like I would love to, I get depressed. And the loneliness comes in.
Because I have to
This is my struggle every day. I don’t feel special, so I crave it from others. Don’t like feeling alone, but don’t like big groups of people. I want to have those special to me available whenever I need them, but that is not realistic. And all of this is happening to me, right now. But do I show it? No. Because in my world, I need to get up every day to take care of my family. I need to get up every day to go to work so I can continue to get paid. Get up every day to finish my masters degree. And if I didn’t do any of that, well…my life would be very different.
Only takes a smile
You see there are so many of us walking around, working, taking care of everyone, and still struggling with depression. This is why, when you walk around the office, the stores, or wherever and you come across someone that seems sad, upset, or just quiet, give them a break. Give them a smile. More than likely, they are like me. They are struggling with a mental illness that has them in a dark place right now. Your smile just make their day a little brighter.
With great warmth,
