He doesn’t understand. Why is she doing that?
Sound familiar? Are you sitting there trying to figure out your partner? Wondering what they were thinking? Trying to understand what they are doing? I can tell you right now, stop. You won’t figure them out. Not completely.
Shortly after I started dating (many moons ago), I was doing just that. Sitting there trying to figure out what the guy was thinking when he would say certain things or why he couldn’t understand me.
I came across a book that many know of, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by Dr. John Gray. And boy, did it make things clearer for me. Opened my eyes to see that we have two distinct views on how to approach a situation with a common underlying factor.
LESSONS
First it opened my eyes to utterly understand that I will never really make sense of men. That is okay. I do not need to. What I do realize is they look at our world much differently than we do.
Second, I learned more about men and women. How we can look at an object and see 2 totally different things.
PICTURE THIS
You have an antique clock that is no longer running. Men will generally look at the clock and either try to fix it or throw it away and get a new one. Women incline to look at the clock and remember the sentiment of it being from a family member. They may try to fix it. If it cannot be fixed, they still display it proudly on the shelf. That clock remains there until they are ready to let it go.
BLACK & WHITE
The natural reaction to fix anything broken can be second nature to most men. This is not just objects. In relationships, I have seen so many times when my husband sees me upset and immediately wants to know what is wrong and how to fix it. When he finds it is not something to be easily fixed, he gets upset or will just try to make me laugh in hopes I will stop crying or be unhappy. Guess what? It doesn’t work. Usually that just makes me more unhappy and makes things worse. So why does he do it every time?
EMOTIONAL LEVELS OF GRAY
Emotions. Women have so many of them. The natural reaction is to use emotions to nurture and comfort. When I have seen my husband upset about something, having me say something like “do you really think they feel that way?” Let us just say it isn’t pretty. They look for immediate answers and we will sit there and we don’t have them.
A DIFFERENT WAY TO LOOK AT LIFE
Taking some time to understand that male minds and female minds are so contrast can help in everyday life events. Women can know better that when we are upset or sad about something, our boyfriends and husbands are going to try everything in their power to fix the problem. Even though sometimes a good cry is the only thing we need. Taking a minute to tell them, there is nothing to fix may alleviate other issues. You want me to feel better, then hold me. Don’t say anything right away and just hold me.
Men can hopefully see that there are situations in life that are not so black and white, fixed or broken. It may frustrate the ever-loving heck out of them. Maybe by knowing a simple hug or a little message of care is all we need to “fix” our days.
COMMON FACTOR
There is one common factor in all of this that is so over-looked it is scary. Men and women do approach situations differently. Only one element that can bring both together as we do everyday. Compassion. Men want to fix our dilemmas so that we are not sad and hurting anymore. Many men are scared to see a woman hurt. To them, women are powerful beings that need protection. Their compassion towards us brings a need to keep any and all unhealthy events away from us at all times. Some men are so compassionate that they hurt seeing the women in their lives unhappy.
Compassion is so strong in women that it feeds their need to care for the men in their lives. Many women see the men as strong beings that can stand up to just about anything. To see men unhappy, scares many women. Men are to be happy so they can continue to make us happy.
Compassion can only be prevalent in our everyday lives as long we also bring out our communication. There is no compassion without communication.
With great warmth,
