I was talking to a friend recently about things I am feeling and how my mind thinks about the world around me. This person commented (in a joking manner) that I was messed up in the head. Now, I did not take this in any other form than the fact that they truly did not understand what I was going through. They did not understand how my mind functioned and how something small can be a trigger of severe anxiety to me. I responded to my friend that it is an eye-opening experience when you hear me talk about myself this way, isn’t it? A simple, “yes, it is,” was all they said.
Talk the talk
I understood at that moment that we can all talk about mental health until we are blue in the face. The problem is there are too many people that just don’t understand what life is like for some of us each and every day. I have constant anxiety of being late for ANYTHING! It doesn’t matter what the occasion is. My world is on a schedule that changes every minute. But there is a time and a place I need to be at every time. My son starts school at 8:10am, Monday to Friday. So, alarm is ringing by 6am, he is awake by 6:15am, I am dressed by 6:50am and he is dressed and fed by 7am, and finally out the door by 7:30am. If I am not at his school by 7:45am when the opening bell rings, I am flustered, and the anxiety begins.
Understanding feelings
For the last few days, I have taken off from work to have some me time. To get a chance to recenter myself from some of the things I have going on in my life. When I was talking with my friend, I was telling them about how I could take a situation and relive, re-evaluate, and pick apart every detail for several days and weeks. I told them about how I could look at myself in the mirror and see a completely different person looking back. Almost as if I couldn’t recognize the reflection. Then there are the days that I could shut down from everyone and the world around me over something that many would see as insignificant.
Different Lives
The point is we all go through situations and experiences in our life that even our loved ones and friends do not understand. Did you ever say to someone, “why be upset or depressed? You are beautiful and can probably get anyone you want.” Or how about this one, “why are you sad when you have so much in your life?” We see society today constantly promoting the next best thing or the next best look. As if you are not special if you don’t have the newest smartphone or the top-of-the-line car.
Not Easy
I don’t expect someone to always understand what I am going through. Not even my family and friends. What I do expect is empathy. I expect to have certain people in my life to have compassion. To understand everyone does have a little something in their life they are dealing with. That we all handle our situations of life in our own way. To understand that all they really need to do for us is listen. Sit down with us, call us, and show us we matter in their life too.
Simple and Unique
Of course, you will not understand me and how my mind works. That I can sit here and still question my worth and my value. You are not me. Just like I may not fully understand what you are thinking and feeling going through the events in your life. Still, I call you, I text you to check in, or I simply tell you that I am here. I have two perfectly functioning ears that can listen to you. I understand that I really don’t understand your feelings. What I understand is that you feel. Feeling, thinking, and living through all of the challenges that our lives like to throw at us. My favorite saying is, “we are all similarly unique.” Everyone can feel, love, hate, cry, laugh, and bleed. We all just do these things, differently.
Enjoy the music!
With great warmth,
