Does your anxiety control you?

I just got back from a recent trip to visit family in California and Idaho for the holiday. During this trip, I found myself consciously avoiding certain areas of my life due to my anxieties. One of the bigger ones that I fight is my need to have control of everything around me. What do I mean? I had to have my sister-in-law and niece take me to the airport in California to return home and as she drove, my fear built up because I did not have control of the vehicle. The constant need to hold my breath, close my eyes, or hold the door handle flowed through me. Don’t get me wrong, my sister-in-law is not a bad driver. But it was the fact I was someplace I could not control, and my mind raced with possibilities of how I could get hurt. When we traded places and I drove to the airport, I felt better.

Driving with fear

Another occasion was when the family was driving to Idaho through Utah. The weather was bad from the snow and ice, the drivers were horrible, and it was nighttime. My husband was driving and I was constantly feeling the need to panic from the craziness of the drivers. During that trip, my husband and I were talking about my car and I mentioned that I had a hard time using the cruise control function. Again, it was the idea that I did not have full control in case something went wrong. My mind filled with ideas of “what if’s”. What if there was a stopped car and I couldn’t get my foot onto the brake in time?

Integrated with Anxiety

Anxiety for me has integrated throughout my life. Driving and control, stairs and the immense fear of falling, and heights. My office is on the 3^rd floor and half of the floor opens out to the lobby. So, I walk next to a glass railing about 3-4 feet tall to my office door. My anxiety of walking too close the to railing builds the panic inside. The images of what I might go through if I were to fall over the railing flood through my mind.

Types

Anxiety of talking to people, handling any form of confrontation, and presentations. These are some of the anxieties that have shaped my life. I avoid riding in vehicles driven by others. Walk closer to walls than what may be considered “normal”. Avoid talking to people in groups of 3 or more. I have no desire to take on a managerial position in my career, even though many of my colleagues believe I would be very good at it. And my panic rises to levels of near attack when put on the spot to present or respond in front of a large group.

Knowing

Anxiety can be debilitating. Shaping every facet of your life. Fears that grab hold and flood your mind and emotions with negativity and “what if’s” until you are sick. There are ways to handle anxiety. Through meditation, therapy, and just talking to people can help. The biggest part though, to acknowledge that the act, event, environment makes you scared, nervous, and panicked. Then ask, “is this something I can adjust to make me comfortable or not?” Because there are ways to live with anxieties and ways to conquer them. As long as you acknowledge that you have them.

There are things in the world that scares us. We just have to be careful not to let them control us. Work with them, manipulate them, and conquer them. Because if we let them control us, then that piece of our life is not in our control. It is a chapter we didn’t write. So, take the first step and acknowledge them.

With great warmth,