What are some of your fears?

Just last weekend when my son asked me, “Mommy, what are you afraid of?” When he turned around and asked, “Daddy, what are you afraid of?” My husband, without batting an eye, replied. The only thing he said, “Losing you.” That was it. Nothing more and nothing less. I believe him too. I see how sensitive he is especially when he sees videos or movies with children getting hurt or needing to be saved.

Notice how I haven’t told you MY answer yet? There is a reason. When my son asked me that question, immediately a list rolled through my head like a running of credits at the end of a movie. Little fears, big fears, and those ugly, debilitating fears. And don’t forget the fear of being afraid.

The size of fears

Small fears can guide you, strengthen you to learn more about yourself and your world. Small fears like being scared to buy a new dress, or that new phone. This kind of fear can teach you about the consequence of focusing on your wants too much and not your needs. This is not what I want to talk about this week.

A fear that developed in your mind to be so big, one that gives you an anxiety any time you even think about it. One that debilitates your movements, affects your dreams, stops you from continuing this path. This is the fear I wanted to focus on this time.

Sure, I fear some bugs like scorpions (and while I live in Arizona, I get to see them more than I like.) I am scared about bigger things, like my son getting hurt or myself getting hurt. There was one fear that held me back in my life.

Fear of driving

I have two older brothers that are a few years older than I am. I watched them learning to drive and being able to go out with their friends. Then I watched them as one of them was in a car accident. He wasn’t even driving at the time. His friend was. Unfortunately, his friend was also speeding on a city street and the collision was on my brother’s side of the car, landing him in the hospital for a few days.

As little girl, I was scared. Not just for my brother. I was scared about the unknown of driving. Just about the drivers on the street, that when I was of age to start learning, I didn’t want to. There was no interest in driving at all. I didn’t want to be on the road with all of those people too. I would rather take my bike. When I had to study the driving test book for the written test, I didn’t want to. Made little effort to pay attention. Took the test and failed it.

My parents didn’t understand why I wasn’t more energetic to learn to drive. At 17 years old, I couldn’t explain it to my parents because I didn’t fully understand it myself. So, they pushed and pushed until I barely passed the written and driving tests. I became more comfortable in driving myself. But I would have near panic attacks getting into a car with someone else driving. I learned quickly that I had the control when I was behind the wheel. There was no control when I sat in the passenger side.

Today I will sit in other’s cars, but there is an anxiety I try to hold back every time. Panic-like thoughts run through my mind every time. A few people, like my husband, I am comfortable enough to relax…most of the time.

Self-Inflicted

Another fear I have is with myself. The shy little girl in me still exists. My confidence in myself has been better in recent years, but there is still a fear. A panic of my self-image to my peers or even to strangers can easily hold me back from being more than I am today.

I know my anxiety is not of the nature someone that is suffering from an anxiety disorder may experience. The level of fear that one can suffer at that degree, can be unimaginable to others in society. A fear that even the mention of the name can make a person run.

Do not ignore

Any fear that you experience should not be ignored. Whether you have small fears of purchase or larger ones that hold you back. Especially the fears that stop you cold, DO NOT IGNORE. Speak to someone, seek help from someone you feel comfortable with.

Then if you (and ONLY you) feel strong enough to try, work a plan at one baby step at a time. The final goal is to overcome the anxiety. Just DO NOT PUSH yourself. When I say one baby step, I mean your 12-step program should look more like a 40-step program. Take all the time you need to get your mind and body comfortable before moving to the next step.