Through the looking glass at the other side

As the saying goes, there is always two sides to a story. Someone is struggling and suffering through life as we know it. Wondering if there will ever be a day where there is no pain, when they can feel happy, at least feel as if they are loved by someone. Walking through each day seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Thinking that there is no other way for them to go on.

Two stories

But that story also includes all the people that have once touched this person’s life. The family members that could lose a loved one. Or the friends who tried to support them. What about the kids, coworkers, and significant others? Each one of their stories will be affected by a change in yours.

I have friends that have lost others to suicide. All the emotions that flood through, of not only sadness, anxiety, but also of anger and confusion. Too many times have we heard someone comment, “they took the coward way out.” This comment is made as a release of anger. Another one, “I should have done more to help.” An expression of guilt. In honesty, both comments are false. False, because you DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH! You are not them.

Too Many Feelings

Does anyone really know how you feel? They may have a sense of it. Or an assumption of what you feel. But they are not you. How can your family, friends, loved ones and anyone else understand the deep feeling of depression, anger, fear, despair that you are feeling? This goes both ways. How can this you understand how they feel about you?

Here is an example. Say I have a friend that is so depressed, they are thinking of suicide. I may know they are depressed. Could even know that they have thought about ending their life. Now, think about this. Can I know how deep the depression is? What about any other event that they could be going through? Let’s turn the tables. This friend, could they understand what it means to me that they are in my life? Would they be able to comprehend what I would go through if they were to leave this world? If they are that deep, there is no room to be able to handle that thought about our lives. And is it fair on either side?

Surviving for who

That brings up a point. Surviving for someone else. “I am pushing through for them. I have to be here for them. They need me now.” You know those feelings. They are very powerful. The point in life that you turn the control over your life to someone else. For your kids, your spouse, your parents. Is that good or bad? Well, either or both. You see, each situation is unique, so there is no good answer. But the problem comes in that when you begin to think this way, your own life begins to reduce until your own personal identity is gone. Because, once you feel that those people you think need you, suddenly don’t…then what?

Through the looking glass

I wanted to have you think about not only your life but try to see and look at those lives around you. If you sadly lose a loved one to suicide, the emotions will run through you. It is easy to cast blame in any direction. The emotion of loss is so powerful that many try to mask it in other emotions. Take a minute to realize, that we cannot force anyone to do anything. Life is a choice. We can try all we can to help our friends and loved ones. To talk to them, support them, and comfort them as much as we can. Suicide is a scary business. The looking glass of life has many angles and unique views. Try to understand that although we are deeply sad, the cast of blame and anger should not be aimed at those we have lost.