Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. That insufferable noise just doesn’t ever want to stop. Tick. There is just too many things left to do before…. Tock. I don’t have enough time to get all of this done. Tick. You want me to do what? And by when? Tock. Ugh. How did it get so late? I thought it was only 11am?
Woke up this morning, running through my mental list to see what still needs to be done. Work, family, friends, school, the holidays. All are asking for a piece of my time. A piece of my life to make theirs easier. Before I have even stepped foot out of bed, my time has been claimed and I already start feeling like I am too busy. Too busy for the one most important person I need to at least have some focus for…me.
The Payment
Don’t get me wrong. I love to help all those in my life. Seeing how their lives are touched just by a little of my time. A smile, a hug. That goes a long way. Just a quick Thank You warms my heart. But at what cost?
The more I find my time claimed by others, the more I pull inward. Lose myself in this crazy world. No time left to breathe, to love, to care.
Wow, that’s scary!
As we are trudging through these holidays, we can easily fall into that trap of too much exertion for anyone who needs that help. Who helps you when you need it? Takes the time out of their busy life to make yours a touch easier? Brightens your day?
This is a common occurrence in my world. So, when a loved one asks me, what do you want to do today? Where do you want to go for dinner? What do you like? I have no answers. Try as I might, I know there has to be something I like or want. When I come up blank, that’s when my bright day starts to dim. It becomes very easy to pull inside and happiness becomes sadness. If I am not careful, depression. “Why should I care, if no one does? Why should I, if…” It is a steep drop off that edge that is very hard to pull out of.
Time
During this time, take minute or 5 or an hour, just to breathe. Step away for that second. Close your eyes and shut everything down for that time. Just once a day for yourself, to keep your world as your own. Everyone is busy. Everyone lives, loves, cares. So, do you. Just do it for yourself for once. Take that time for you.
With great warmth,
