I have been realizing something about myself lately and I don’t quite understand it. Throughout life we are faced with happy moments and very sad moments. There are times when we get excited and times we are furious. How we handle all of these times, will teach us about ourselves. I once thought of myself as very emotional as a child. But as an adult…I guess I have weathered a few too many storms for my emotions.
I have lived through heartbreak and loss of loved ones. I have had people yell at me, make me feel guilty, and bully me. But I have also had many people love me and appreciate me. Life is constantly full of these up and down days. Sometimes we tend to feel like we are just on autopilot trying to get through to the next day. Surviving until we can take that breath to tackle the next challenge.
I started realizing when some of my loved ones had passed away that I was handling grief a little differently. It was concerning me because I felt a lack of emotion. Grieving does not mean you are sitting there crying all day. Everyone grieves differently. But it startled me when I realized that I wasn’t doing that. As a child, I would cry at the smallest things. So why was I not sad or depressed now? What is wrong with me?
Coping
The answer to that last question is, nothing. Over the years and with everything I have battled through, my mind and body have developed their own “coping mechanism”. A way to save my emotions from getting over used in various situations. Recently, I discovered that in situations of heavy sadness, my mind will shut down. I cannot focus on a single thought. My mind goes blank. And then my emotions shut down. I feel nothing.
When I shut down like this, it is a strange sensation. I am unable to concentrate on what is around me. And there is no feeling of happy or sad, at all. This lasts only a few days for me. Then I am able to function again and refocus on what is going on. It is almost as if, my mind engages a shield until it is safe to think and feel again.
Coping mechanisms can be useful or make things worse. It is always best to learn and understand what your body and mind are doing in the various situations. It will allow you to learn ways to use the mechanisms to help and not let them hinder your daily life. I will continue to learn about myself and how I handle situations. So that I can truly be happy one day.
Enjoy this video,
With great warmth,
