Ever wake up and wish you were on that galaxy far, far, away? Wondering why life has to be so hard? If you are like me, you have been battling for decades. Tired of fighting all of the time. Wanting to push the pause button on the remote control of life. But instead, we wake up each day to a new morning. Trying to figure out how the day is going to treat you today. Every day life is going to bring you a new challenge. The choice is how you are going to face it. Try to ignore and hide or try to fight for change. Your choice.
Choosing
I strongly believe that we go through every day of our life choosing how it will be. So many people in the world feel best by blaming others for all at is wrong. Some of us go through life understanding that we have the choice to make it better. For a long time, I did not understand this. I felt that I was destined to be nothing. As if I was no one because I was so easily forgotten. The quiet one in the corner, just sitting there hoping that someone would notice her. I dreamed of having friends to laugh with. Hoped for someone to take an interest in me. So, when someone ever did, I attached to them.
Comfort
The problem was I chose to sit there and wait for someone else to come to me. I chose to be quiet and not interact with people. Fear held me back from saying anything. Well, actually, it was me that held me back. I accepted my fear and let it make the decision for me. But I see this now. A child or teenager would not be able to recognize this. It doesn’t stop there either. Here I am, an adult, and fear still tries to control my choices. All because I got comfortable in my toxic environment.
Fear
I have talked about choices in the past. But last year (“Is Fear deciding for you?”) I talked about how fear can hold you back. And again, I am facing my fears. On this path of working on myself, I have been trying to discover who I am. While I really look at myself, I cannot help but look at all of the areas of my life. Like right now, I am sitting here writing this blog only to have visions of my past dance in my mind. Just a little kid at school wishing I could be more outgoing to play with the others. A teenager in high school wondering if anyone actually liked me. A young adult hoping for a boy to even pay attention and want to be around me. Into my 40’s wondering why I cannot stand up for myself. Fear. Each and every time I was scared.
Scared to try
In one of my past sessions with my therapist, she had asked me what it was I wanted to achieve. I knew right away, I wanted to be happy. But more than that, I wanted to feel happiness. To be able to feel strong and know that I can handle anything. That I can look in the mirror and see someone I am proud to be. And I know why I am not these things now. Because I am scared to do what I know I need to.
Living for so long as someone with certain personality traits, you tend to be comfortable, even if you hate it. Going through each day with a certain viewpoint of life, you tend to be comfortable, even if it makes you miserable. You are comfortable because you don’t know anything else. And for me, add in that you don’t want to make anyone mad. No one, even if you do not know them. The idea of upsetting a single person is enough for you to stop all actions. Fear.
To the Future
My friends and family have been trying to get me to see that by not changing my own thoughts and actions, my life will never change. I am hope and wish all I want, but if I don’t try…well nothing will happen. Just like if you want to lose weight for the summer, then you need to change your routines. Try changing your diet or adding in some exercise. And it is okay if you fail. As long as you try. Because nothing will get better unless you start changing too. Many of you remember the movie “Back to the Future” with Michael J Fox. There Michael goes back in time. He makes some changes in his parents’ lives only to see that back in the present time, life is better.
First step
Change is never easy at first. It is scary. Makes you think and takes you out of your comfort zone. There will be people that are not happy. Some may even walk away from you. But if you ever wish your life was different, then it is time to make a change. Changes can be small, or they can be big. They are most definitely necessary. Talking about it is not enough. Actions are required. So even if you are scared, remember you have support. Loved ones that will hold you up if you fall. Because the only way across, is taking the first step.
Enjoy this song.
With great warmth,
