Ever hear something just in passing only to have it constantly replay in your mind for days or weeks after? Some have called this “earworms”. Most of us have a song stuck in our heads over and over. Probably from a commercial or a social media post. For me, it is quotes. And this one I cannot stop thinking about it. I came across a social media video where someone stated, “people tend to resent others because they are doing something that we do not feel we are allowed to do.” Think about that for a minute.
Not just one-sided
That statement was originally directed towards relationships and partners. However, I feel this can go deeper. Or maybe broader. I started to look at my own life. Only these last 3 years I have been on this journey of loving myself and bettering myself. For over 40 years, I have hidden and ultimately let others stomp out my inner fire. I lost my identity. Our children grow up finding themselves so that they can be strong adults and believe in who they are. My childhood was a struggle and I never found who I was. Trying to discover any little nugget of my true personality, only to only come up with frustration and negativity.
Resent and Reject
That is why I have been pushing so hard to fight for me. Set my boundaries and learn my true self. But when I heard that statement about resent last week, it felt as if something was starting to make sense. As a kid I would find myself resenting other kids because they were outgoing, and I was so quiet. They had all of these friends around them, and I would maybe have one. Even when that one friend wanted to play with someone else for a day, I had had the resenting rejecting feeling.
Love and war
Of course, this statement also hits hard in relationships. If you have a partner that is more direct and forthcoming and you are not, resentment can develop. Maybe you have a spouse that can eat anything they want and not gain a pound, but you have one donut and suddenly there are 10 pounds added to your waist. The opposite side if you have a partner that tends to act and do whatever they want, but you feel like you are always taking care of everyone. Resentment can build very easily, especially between people who are close together.
The good side
The social media post I saw this on, mentioned that they were able to use this information to better themselves. And I can see how this can work. If you discover that you are holding resentment towards a loved one, all because they can do something you feel you are not allowed to do, then it is time to discover why you feel you cannot do it. What is holding you back from being able to do this thing? Like, the other person is always doing what they want to do. Why do you feel you cannot? Are you holding yourself back or is there a tangible reason? If the other person is eating whatever they want and you feel you cannot, maybe look at what they are eating. Is there food out there you really like that is also healthier you can eat?
The power
When resentment develops, it can build into something very ugly. It can ruin relationships easily and destroy lives quickly. But we can turn the resentment into power. An incentive to better ourselves in ways that is healthier and stronger. If I resent someone for having a lot of friends, feeling I cannot because I am too shy, then why am I so shy? Probably because I feel that they will not like me. But why? Well, because I feel that I am not very special. Well, then if I were to work on how I feel about myself, I could start to feel like I am special and maybe more people would like to interact with me, becoming my friends.
Resentment is strong and can destroy. So, let’s use this power as an incentive to find out how we can better our own lives in new ways. But just to be clear, never change yourself to please another. This is only one kind of resentment. No one wants to resent, and no one wants to be resented. This is just another opportunity to learn a way to love who we are.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
