We have such a diverse society. Populations of people that live such unique lives all the while coinciding with one another. Each one can struggle, laugh, cry, love, and hate. And yet, it becomes such a mystery when a loved one begins showing signs of depression. I have conversations with friends and family so often about areas I struggle with in my life. Like right now, I have a really hard time believing I am good enough to deserve things I work for. Let me give you an example. I have my masters now in Mental Health and Wellness. I have been job searching since August and finding ads for positions that I probably could do. But what stops me from applying is that I begin to self-doubt my abilities. I begin to question applying because I don’t have the job experience. I just don’t understand why I do this.
They Don’t Understand
When I spoke to my family and talked about how my mind can quickly question the reasoning for going after something or it can over-analyze my appearance, I start to get depressed as I begin to feel like I won’t have anything good. Again, they couldn’t understand why I did this. Or how I can easily talk to coworkers, friends, and even strangers about nothing at all. But if I find myself in a group of 3 people or more, I will shut down and be very quiet. That suddenly I was not smart enough to engage in the conversation about topics I was not fully knowledgeable about. Still don’t understand that one.
So Confusing
But that is the thing. Don’t need to really understand. Because we all go through so much as we grow older. Childhood shapes our brains. Adolescence shapes our identity. Adulthood fine tunes our identity and presence with the knowledge from life. Our minds are absorbing, formulating, and processing sights, sounds, words, and feelings every second. With genetics, chemicals, hormones, and so much more, to understand is nearly impossible.
It is not to understand, but to use it to our own benefit. That is the magical solution. It is trying to find ways of breaking past the self-doubts, the constant questions, and negativity that we face. Finding a way to break past the harmful and find the choice of positivity. The yeses from all the no’s we face daily.
Working on me
This is something I am trying to work on for myself. Am I good enough? Yes. This is what I tell myself. Until I am faced with having to prove it. The doubt crawls back in. Something I discovered today as I was talking to a friend was, I used “not good enough” way too much. So much so, they actually got upset with me. After the conversation I wrote in my journal. I do deserve to have the things I want to go after. I deserve to be what I want to go after. It is not that I am not good enough. No. My real problem was I do not fight enough for me. I do not fight enough for what I want. What I need. And what I deserve.
Fighting
I chose to go back to school. Choosing to change careers. I fought for my education. Fought for the straight A’s. I battled through all of it while raising a 7 yr. old (at the time), work a full-time job, and through my dad getting sick and passing away. Through all of that, I managed to make it out at the end with a graduation and master’s degree. So yes. I do deserve this. I fought for it. So, if I want the job, I need to fight for it. If I want something or to change something in my life, I need to fight for it.
Can’t Stop
I may not understand why I doubt myself. My friends and family may not understand the struggle I have in my life. That is okay. Because we may never understand. It is how we need to refocus to combat the negative in our lives and find the positive. I will battle self-doubt and self-sabotage in my life for a long time. Going on 40+ years, it will not go away overnight. Through remembering the fact that I have successfully made it through 100% of all of my bad days in life. That is a good track record. I will struggle. I just cannot stop fighting. Negativity cannot win this battle.
Enjoy these videos.
With great warmth,
I think there’s a level of self-doubt we all carry, to greater or lesser degrees in many of our crafts. In my role I have to address strangers In leadership roles, owners of businesses. I often have a self-conversation prior, “you are trained, smart, prepared and have information that they don’t know they don’t know.”
Then, head held high, eye contact strong, I address them.
Malcolm Gladwell said it in Outliers. “ it takes 10,000 hours to perfect your craft.”