Halloween is just around the corner. Children of all ages are dressed up in their favorite characters. Some are cute and adorable. Others are scary and grotesque. Silly ones with colors and designs. Girls with pretty dresses and boys with swords and masks. A time to look like something else, pretend you are someone else. A chance to wear a mask from the world.
Behind the mask
How often do you walk around, going about your day, when you see a coworker or a friend and suddenly you are standing straighter, smiling a little more, or quickly quieter? A subtle change in your outward appearance that many won’t catch on. The change to hide parts of you that are not ready to be visible. Too many times, I have put that mask on, wondering if I can ever take it off.
This reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode. The greedy family visiting their dying grandfather. He makes them wear a mask until midnight. Faces of the greed they hold. Although the storyline is not what is important here. It is the idea of wearing masks until we lose ourselves to the mask. The constant hiding, the act we put on to make it seem like we are okay. “Fake it until you make it.”
The probem
There is a problem though. What happens if you never wear a mask at all? You are having a bad day. Stress at work, school, or at home (or even all of the above.) Strain that doesn’t seem to go away for several days. You are walking around with a scowl on your face. Deep in thought and distracted. Not interested in being around others that are laughing. Is that healthy? That is where the problem lies. Would you want to be around someone like that for too long?
Is there a balance?
We all know that stress is everywhere. At work and you want to yell at the coworker not doing their job. Probably not a good thing. So, you put on a mask to make it through the day until you are at home to do the yelling. Or you are with family and friends celebrating a wedding and you just broke up with your significant other. Putting on the mask once more to get through the wedding for the bride and groom’s perfect day, until you are home for the ice cream and wine fest.
It comes down to finding the right time and place to release the stress. A chance to take the mask off and be yourself. Having people in your life that help you to keep the mask off, helps too. Because if you are forced to keep that mask on, with no time for you, is just as bad. I know. I am just starting to peel my mask off after 30+ years.
To be someone else
As a child, I imagined how my life might be when I grew up. I discovered my mask in high school. The constant pressure in teen years to be attractive, interesting, special, just to have friends or that someone special to take notice. When I fell into depression in high school, I wore my mask daily. The outward appearance of someone that was a part of the group, just to be accepted. As I grew up, the mask stayed with me.
Getting into dating and starting my first jobs, the mask made me seem important and special. Much more than I ever felt about myself. By this time, I was too scared to take my mask off. The fear of having people see me as I am and be disgusted, angry, and mean. (Yeah, bullying can do that to a person.) My mask was already becoming a part of my life. Absorbed into the lines that I hid behind.
My mask
Occasionally I took the mask off, but it quickly was returned. That is, until recently. Someone very special to me opened my eyes after quite some time and made me see that I am losing myself to my mask. The image I am portraying to the world since my teenage years, is not truly me. The real me is still there in a small form. But the mask is still in control. Someone told me, “We cannot lose you. You are too special.” I cannot lose myself to my mask.
This past year I have been easing the mask off a little at a time. Writing to you each week peels the mask back with every post. And now, I have taken steps in my life of finding myself again. Because although masks are a part of life, they do not get to control life. We don’t need to show the world the struggles we face every day, but we don’t need to hide all of the time either. The right people around us, can see us past the mask and still love us. Behind the mask is a very special person. One that is strong through the tides of the storm. A person who is beautiful as the sun rises over the fields. Someone that is too special for this world to lose.
YOU ARE TOO SPECIAL TO LOSE.
With great warmth,
