I have been spiraling. Drowning in despair and depression. Losing my ambition and my drive. Like I was building my box again to hide in. Everything felt impossible and nothing was going right for me. At times I believed that there was no part of my life that was going well. I was falling and I didn’t know if I could be saved again. That was until I had an epiphany during one of my “car-therapy” sessions. Now my focus is defined, and my path is set…on me.
Therapy
I love driving. Road trips are so relaxing for me. And when I have the opportunity to drive by myself, a “car-therapy” session is always on the schedule. So, when I had a nice 4 hour drive this past Monday, it was the perfect time. For some reflection, questions, and meditation. The chance to voice my thoughts into the air of the car and hear how they really sound.
This time the car-therapy came with a revelation. Now I am not a super religious person, but I do have my beliefs. But I asked the universe for some guidance because deep down I knew I was floundering. I could already feel the overpowering feeling of despair covering me. I was there before and if it happened again…well I was scared.
A Voice
The more I gave my thoughts a voice the more I realized the common element, Me. I live by the belief that I can choose how I feel about situations. But there was one piece I struggled to get past. My own belief. The belief in myself. I have had people tell me I am driven and confident. That I am beautiful and have a powerful soul. Some have told me, I am an enigma, a gem. That they have never known anyone like me. And yet, I still wrestle with believing them.
Feelings
I realized during my drive that it all comes down to me. To make my troubles easier to fight, I needed to believe in myself first. This is no easy task. Because it makes me feel superficial and fake to even think I am anything special. But I am. When I take a deeper look at who I am and my values, I am unique. Do you realize there is not a single person I would classify as hating? Or anyone that I know of that hates me?
Care
I came across a video on social media today. It talked about how at the beginning of your life, you were given a human to take care of. A human to love. That it was our only job. And as we grow up and take care of our children, we don’t realize that the human is us. So now, you then wake up in the morning and say, what would I do today if I was taking care of my human, it would feel different. My therapist had asked me one time, if I was to come across myself as a child, what would I say? How would I care for this human?
Love
We will be faced with situations and events that we cannot control due to other people and their actions. But at the end of the day, it starts and ends with us. How I care about me and how I love me, will impact everything in my life. I may have everything in my life in chaos right now. But taking that first step and believing in myself, will make it easier to fight the chaos. It really is about me.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
