I had a rough few days lately. Criticism is never easy to hear, no matter how it is delivered. Add in the constant feeling of not being good enough, and criticism is even harder to handle. No one likes being told they did something wrong. So, when I received some criticism a couple of days ago, it was a hit to my emotions.
Delivery
I am not going to get into how the critique was delivered by the other person. This one was blunt and straight forward. But whether it was softened or harsh, getting news that something you did was not correct is difficult for many people. Yes, it may be easier to accept if the delivery was softened. And yes, maybe it would not impact you the same way. For me, it doesn’t matter. Because the minute I hear that I made a mistake, big or small, my mind dwells on it.
I was ultimately told to refocus on my tasks. But I went into a am not good enough. Or in this case, am I self-sabotaging myself again? The fears began to build up almost immediately. But this time, and after years of therapy, I knew I needed to start fighting against the negative thoughts. Reminding myself of all of the people that have told me how good I am doing. How many people I work with respect me.
Mindful
But my mind had another avenue to use. Suddenly, I went into overthinking and into deflection. How the environment wasn’t right. Or that the message was confusing. I began to think about all of the different areas that could be the cause of my situation. Again, I knew I needed to fight back on some of those thoughts. Whether it was other elements that contributed to my situation or not, I did have a part to play in it. I knew I had to take some responsibility.
It is very easy to go from fear to anger quickly when faced with situations that are negative. To be a true person to ourselves and to others, we need to accept that all of our actions are our own choices. The situation in front of us was because of something we chose in life. But it is NOT 100% on us either. Life is made up of many pieces. The environment, the people we have in our lives, physical and spiritual pieces, and us. We chose every minute of every day, based on all of the other pieces in front of us.
Stages
After I received the criticism, I went from hurt and fear, to anger. But I continued to read between the lines of what was told. I reflected on the people I work with. Thought about the situation and the environment I work in. Dissecting through what, where, how, and why. And making sure to stay away from the should have, would have, could have trap. It is okay to take a moment or a day to process news like this. Because as soon as you realize that you are not 100% the reason for it, you will also realize a healthier side.
Life will test us to see if we are strong enough. And the best way to fight back is to take the time to look at the big picture. Because maybe, like me, you can avoid self-deprecation and self-hate. That you too will realize you are good enough. And smart enough. No, wait. You are enough. You always have been.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
