We all get asked a simple question, “how are you doing?” But lately, I cannot answer it. When I take a second to think about it, I can’t tell if I am okay or not. I don’t know if I am happy or not. And that is when I realize that I can’t describe it all. Because I feel numb. But it’s numb from feeling it all. There are so many emotions running through, I feel none of it. So how do I answer the question. How can I describe it?
Patterns
Someone pointed out to me recently that I have fallen into a rut. That I have a pattern. I have lost focus. The focus on me. When I pushed to focus on my happiness, I felt better. Powerful and confident. But then I started to give way to others to come first again. Now I fight the urge to just give up. Because that is not what I want out of my life.
With everything that goes on in life, emotions are amplified. Happy about good things that happen. Easily frustrated with people and their actions. Stressed that something is not happening the way you want. Angry about something said or done. It doesn’t take much for emotions to pile up from just one day. And when you have little to no outlet, those feelings just build.
Too Much
I have a bad habit of thinking…a lot. Okay, I can overthink like nobody’s business. Like right now, I can think about a friend and wonder what they are doing right this minute. Wonder if they think about me. Picture them walking around. Think about what their life might be like. One of the hardest things for me is when I drive around town and start thinking about people who might live in the homes I pass by. What they are like. Do they work? Are there kids there? So many thoughts and so many questions. Each one builds on top of the other.
So, when I go through my day, my thoughts build up with each emotion that it brings out. Every thought and every feeling is piled up inside of me. It is no wonder I cannot describe how I am doing, because there is too much going on in my mind. It leaves me numb and on autopilot. And then it makes me feel like I have nothing. No thoughts and no feelings. It is a vicious cycle. One that I battle way too often.
The next time you ask someone “ how are you doing?” Don’t just stop with their simple answer. Because many times, that is not what is really happening. Remind them you care. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.
Enjoy the video.
With great warmth,
