Have you ever been faced with something you are scared to do? That’s anxiety. Feel like your heart is going to race right out of your chest in fear? Yup, anxiety. Or do you shut down in face of something in front of you? You got it, anxiety. But it can be so much more than that for some people. So let me tell you a little bit about what anxiety does to me.
What you see
Those people that have had the chance to get to know me, my friends, and my family will tell you that I am an easy-going person. That I am usually calm and patient. But what people don’t see is my anxiety I deal with daily. The part of me that I hide very well. Because it is something that becomes debilitating for me.
Reality
Every day I live with my anxiety. The intense fear of upsetting anyone. Yeah, just that. Doesn’t seem too much does it? Most people would agree with you. But for me, I shut down. My mind goes completely blank, and my energy feels drained. I cannot think or comprehend anything that is going on around me.
As I have mentioned before, growing up I was so desperate to have friends, I would do anything for someone to like me. I developed a fear that if I were to say something they didn’t like, I would lose their friendship. If I did something they didn’t like, they would not want to be around me. So, I made sure to please everyone. But that wasn’t enough. I had to make sure they liked me. I had to hear it from them constantly that they cared about me. It was so bad that I would purposely express my depression to force someone to show me they cared.
Fear
It gets worse. Now as an adult, the fear of upsetting someone is immense. At work I push myself to do everything that is asked. No matter what the cost is to my personal time or my family time. And when it comes to some of the people in my life, I cannot voice my opinions and feelings because of the fear they would be upset or they would be hurt. They can treat me with little interest and I still cannot push back.
The fear I get is so intense that my entire body and mind shut down. I become this robotic being. And many times, I cannot remember what happens shortly after either. The idea that something I should say or do, knowing it will upset or hurt the other person, physically affects me. It actually becomes physically painful for me. And if I try to push myself through, the panic attack hits hard.
Listen
So, anxiety affects a person in different ways. Whether you are someone that gets jittery, heart racing, and uncontrollable, or you are someone that shuts down from the intense sensation of feelings, anxiety affects you. Do not ignore it. But learn from it. Find ways to work through it or around it. Don’t let it control your whole life.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
