In one of my “life” conversations I was having with my son, he had asked me, “how do you show someone you love them?” I told him, “There are different ways to show you love someone. But the best way is to learn about the other person. Find out the good things about them and also see what they are struggling with. Some people do like gifts. Others like to have things done for them.” Now, just so you know, he wanted to see how to show love for me. But it did get me thinking. I am on this journey of caring for myself, loving myself. How do I show love for myself and show love for others? Is there a balance between loving me and loving them without feeling like I am crumbling?
Around me
Society, commercials, advertising, everywhere we turn around, we see something about caring for your fellow man. Help the children. Take care of the family. How do we care for them without losing us? And how do we show ourselves love, without ignoring them? Show too much love for ourselves and we are selfish. Give too much away to others and we disappear. It is a wonder how anyone is able to do both.
I look around my office and at my family. I see people that are trying to do everything for everyone. Caring for the family and making sure they have everything they need. Go to work to be pushed to get the job done with basic needs. No consideration of how much work. No care of how much time. These are people who are being pulled in different directions. That is except one…inward. Many of them have little to no time for themselves. As if they are burning the candle at both ends.
That is not all I see. There are other people that have a focus solely on their own wants and needs. Doing just a few things for their family. Maybe they even put in just enough effort to show they are working. No consideration for what others may need. No consideration for what others may feel. These are people that are focused on one direction. Unaware of everything around them.
Is it possible
How is a person supposed to care about others, empathize with what they are experiencing, all the while working on loving themselves? I want to know, because this is a struggle I fight daily. I want to be one that knows what I want and goes after it. But I want to be the one that sees someone struggling and takes the time to comfort. It is so exhausting that my physical health is starting to take a hit. I am run down, getting sick a little more often, and not sleeping well. Constantly living with a thousand boulders on my shoulders trying to make sure not one of them falls.
Boundaries
Each one of us has “things” going on in our lives. Between relationships, work, family, and friends, there are too many opportunities to lose the last ounce of control we thought we had. I think my therapist said it best. She explained to me that she had once found herself leaving her house for an event when a neighbor came up to her distraught. She knew she had to set a personal boundary for her neighbor and for herself. By giving the neighbor a chance to speak for a short amount of time, and then instead of giving therapeutic advice, but a kind hug and statement of caring, allowed her to keep the neighbor separated from attaching to her. By setting a boundary in her own life for herself, gave her the balance of care for others and the attention her “self” needed too.
Only need love
We all get wrapped up in needing to prove something. Whether we prove to others we are good enough, or we prove to ourselves we are special. A life boundary of empathy and love needs to be set for them and for us. We balance by limiting the weight we are willing to carry.
Here is a special video for you to enjoy.
And enjoy this music video.
With great warmth,
