I have discovered something about myself and others as I have walked through this latest journey. About 5 years ago, I walked around admitting to myself that I was placed on this earth only to care for others. Only to bring them happiness and have their needs met. I looked upon my life from childhood to adulthood, wondering if this was truly my purpose in life. That was the case until I chose to focus on me. I chose to go the distance for myself. Are you?
As Kids
As we all grow up, there are times when we are wondering why we are here and what we should do with our lives. Many of us go through some sort of trauma in our lives which makes it even harder to figure out what we want for ourselves. What career or field of study do we want to go after? Do we want to have a family or travel? Maybe we want both. But when you are going through each day confused, scared to do anything out of the ordinary, worried about how people think of you, those choices are hard.
As you know I was the quiet one. I was always trying to fit in so that just one person would like me. Putting my trust and emotion into this one person, this one relationship. Always worried they would change their mind or leave me. So, I spent my days making sure that others were happy with me and around me. People pleasing is exhausting. I was so good at it that I stopped caring about anything I liked. I lost focus on my needs and wants. And I spent decades like this.
Life
When you are faced with trauma that brings forth depression and anxiety, it is so hard to focus on the positive. Life is always throwing hurdles at us. Those challenges in life that make us question everything. It is so easy to back off, break down, and hide from the world. It is then, when we are faced with the challenges of life that we have to choose. You see, we can choose to not do anything and hope everything just blows away. Or we can choose to do something. It is a choice of the easy way or the hard way.
Choosing to go the distance
Making a choice to get help, to focus on yourself, to do something to better your life is the best choice. But it is also the hardest choice. Because it is that choice that requires you to put in the effort. It in no way means you have to do it alone. But you do have to do it. Being one that is tested daily, I am here to tell you that choosing me was the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. Reminding myself daily that I can go the distance for me. And it is not just for me. It is for my family too. My son sees his mom battling against adversity. He sees me get up every day. Watching me push myself to get my master’s degree. Working hard to find a new career. Doing whatever I can to better my life. (It helps that he knows a happy mom tends to get him more rewards too.)
Can’t go back
Listen, I know what it is like to want to give up. I know what it is like to want to run away and hide from everyone in your life. I still fight those demons daily. But I also know what it is like to fight for me. I am definitely not the same person I was just a few years ago. I feel stronger. Even starting to believe in myself more. I have a long way to go and many challenges in front of me. It’s just that I like wanting things again. I like that I have things I enjoy doing by myself (like writing a blog.) It feels good and I don’t want to go back to how it was. No more. If I can go the distance, so can you. Do it for you. It is hard, but so worth it!
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
