I have been battling and running through several ideas to determine what I was going to write about this week. I was struggling to find a topic. Even asked my husband and my friends. Then two of them said, just write about how you are feeling. Well, I am going through a strange feeling right now, so why not. Because right now, I feel content. And I don’t know what to do with it.
Why so strange
Yes, today I am in a good mood. I have had to deal with a lot of stress at work and will be dealing with that until I find something else to do. I have the pressure of raising a young child and the constant work required in a marriage. Mostly normal tension, nothing too extreme…right now at least. But even that did not affect me too deeply today. Which fills me with questions. My mind is running wild wondering why I feel this way now? Why today? What is it that allows me to feel this way? And most importantly, how long will this last? That last one I am trying not to dwell on too much.
Positivity
Am I happy today? No, I am content. I am not depressed, mad, or overly frustrated. But I am also not putting on music in the house to dance all over…not yet at least. If I were to describe this feeling, it would be more like at peace. An acceptance of my life at this very moment. To know that my past is over. There is nothing I can do about that. The only thing I have control of is my future. I control my next steps.
Over the last few years, I have been on this path to love myself. To understand, accept, and believe in myself. When someone tells me that I am beautiful, believe them. If someone comments on being strong in the face of all I have going on in my life, accept it. Am I there yet? No. But today, I feel beautiful. Today, I feel strong. I want to sing louder. Maybe go dance all over.
The struggle
We all struggle through life. I have too. Faced with emotional pressure at all angles of my life. Some days I feel like I am drowning in it. I mean, even last week I spoke to my therapist about this. With everything I have going on, the problem is that it is all on my shoulders. I have no one that is mentoring me through finding a new career path. The personal side of my life is also all on my shoulders. I told her I was drowning from all of it. But today I want to dance.
Not always so gloomy
Anxiety, depression, stress, and so many of the mental health disorders are life-long. That doesn’t mean we don’t ever get days that seem brighter. That we don’t ever feel like smiling and laughing just a little more often. Days filled with a little touch of peace. We do. We all do. What we do with these days is vital. We don’t get them often. So, we must hold on tight and enjoy the ride. Don’t question it so much. (I am really trying not to.) Definitely do not overthink or over-analyze it. (That one is the hardest for me.) Embrace the day for all it is worth. If you find yourself picking at your feelings, trying to figure out the why’s, redirect. Because all you are going to do is make the feeling go away faster.
Not so strange anymore
Yes, this is a strange feeling when it comes. I know it won’t last, but I want to enjoy it fully. Do I know why I am feeling this way? Not entirely. I know of some things that have contributed to it. I know that I have been working hard to bring more days like this into my life. I have a strong support team of family and friends that will stand behind me in every step I take in this life. So, for now, I will continue to fight for me. I will continue to push for more days like this. To fill my life with more positivity, more love, and more possibilities of happiness. Because the more often I get the strange feeling like today, the more it will no longer feel so strange.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
