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What really is the true cause and affect

I am sitting here listening to the thunder outside wondering to myself, why can’t I just “flip a switch” inside of me and be happy for once? There are days that I just don’t want to be around anyone. Like it would feel so wonderful if I could pause everything in my life just to get a breather. And there are days when feel light and giddy. It is those days I feel powerful and proud. Why can’t I have more of those days? What happened that made me see life so differently? If this is my effect, what was …