I bet that many of you have, even if it was only once, looked in the mirror and thought it would be better if you were like other people. I know I have. Well, there are times when I still do. Watching others live out (what appears) to be happier, more successful, and better lives than we have. I don’t have a bad life. But there are times when I wish I had more. I wish I had a better grasp on who I was growing up and maybe I would have made something more of myself earlier in life. Then there are the times I wish I could try all over again. And then that leads to more thinking…
Experience of jealousy
I have been working at my present employer for over 8 years. I have watched so many people come and go from the company. Today, there are only the 2 partners of the company that are still there with longer employment. All other employees have started after I have. And just about all the other employees have been promoted more than I have. Many of them I have trained when they first started. This was hard to watch at first. Watching these people come in and then suddenly do more, move up in the company. The jealousy was becoming unbearable for a while. That was until I had to take a deeper look into myself.
It is a choice
Throughout my life, I would see others that I felt were prettier than me. I had wished so hard to be like them. Seeing girls that had more friends. I sat back wondering why I couldn’t be more outgoing like them. The depression from this mind frame can lead a person down a dark path. So, when I find myself faced with a situation of jealousy, I know I must take time to recenter. At work, I had made the decision that I wanted to do something different. Because of that decision, I had unknowingly held myself back from certain acknowledgements. I mean why promote someone who doesn’t want to go too far in the industry? I can’t expect to receive accolades if I am not putting in the effort, right?
One-sided
As I sit here, I can imagine my friends and family that are planning trips and vacations. They are not worrying about what bills will get paid with this next paycheck. But I don’t know that do I? You see, I had to realize and accept that I see these people only from one side. I see the person they show me. What I don’t see is the person they are when they are not around me. I don’t see their struggles. Or their fears.
Not always greener
You have heard the quote, “the grass is always greener on the other side.” Well, I would like to change that a little bit. It is more like, “the grass appears to always be greener on the other side.” I try to teach my son that he needs to be kind and respectful of those he meets and interacts with as no one knows what they may be dealing with or struggling with. But it is more than that. You may see the handsome guy across the street, thinking why can’t I be more like him? Or we girls may walk by the cute girl with her friends laughing, wondering why our lives can’t be like that. What we don’t know is what they may or may not have gone through to get to this point in their lives.
Let me explain. I was jealous of someone for a while. She was pretty. Everyone seemed to like her. It felt that she was getting everything she ever wanted. A happy and loving husband, beautiful kids, and acknowledgement at work. My jealousy made it very hard for me to be around her. I had to remember that I could never be her because I wasn’t her. I cannot compare myself to anyone. There is no single person in the world that has lived my life. They didn’t have my friends, my family or felt what I felt. This girl has her own struggles. She fights for her marriage with her husband every day. Her work is stressful, and more responsibilities continue to get added to her. She may be happy in front of me. But when she is alone, she battles her own demons.
There is only one
You may see people that get more in life than you. There may be someone that seems to be happier or prettier. What you don’t see is their own struggles and challenges. You may want to be like someone else. You can’t be. You are a one-of-a-kind person with a spirit that brings value to this world. A person that is so special, there is only one. It is your personality, your choices, your values, and most important your heart that makes you so unique. There is no way to be like someone else. You can, however, find ways to be happier, feel better about your own beauty, and of course love yourself. Because I will be honest. Jealousy is a useless emotion. Nothing good comes from it. So, there is no need for it.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
