There are days that I can laugh and joke with my friends. And then there are days that I want to hide away from the world. What gets me through my dark days are pieces of memories that I hold tight. Comments from friends. Reactions from family. Simple actions from loved ones. Every day I fight, and I choose to see life in a lighter form. Each day I push to not let life and stress tear me down. I have seen what my life looked like at the bottom. And I refuse to let my star shine burnout.
Memories in the stars
One such memory that I hold onto is from my father. When he got sick, I drove to see him. Laying there in the hospital bed, he had a smile on his face that lit up the room. Giving the nurses a hard time (as usual) and joking with each of them. But it was when I spoke to him about how I was scared of losing myself. I had been at rock bottom for some time, and I finally started to realize it. When I told him I didn’t want to lose myself, well he gave me a look of fear. A strong and powerful reaction with a sudden, “NO! You can’t lose yourself! You are too special!” The look on his face is one I will never forget.
I remember that interaction that took place 3 years ago now. Every detail and every feeling. Because it is that moment that pushes me everyday to not give up on myself. To start to believe in myself. When I changed jobs, I started feeling as if I was over my head and was going to fail at this. Remembering my dad and his pride in what I have been doing with my life has given me the encouragement to continue every day.
Stars in People
Another memory is one of many people. You see, when I started working on myself and loving myself, I had found some journals that made me laugh. (Amazon) These journals focused only on positive energy I knew was inside of me. They forced me to acknowledge how I would see myself and how others had seen me. There was a page that I was to fill pictures of water pitchers with adjectives (only positive ones) about who I am. And I couldn’t. I thought of maybe 2 or 3. So I decided to ask some people. My family, my coworkers, and my friends. And 25 words later, I filled the page.
Shooting Star
This was a turning point for me. I sat there with this page full of words about how others see me. Words like “driven” and “intelligent”. Even “powerful” and “resilient”. This page of words that I did not believe I was. I had 6 other people seeing me in a way I couldn’t understand. But when I decided and forced myself to acknowledge and understand how these people could believe this in me, well…I started to see it too. Then I started to feel it.
Stars in our Hearts
One other memory that holds a piece of my heart comes from my friends. These last 4 or 5 years now, I was living one style of life, only to completely change it. The simple, quiet girl suddenly broke free and had become more vibrant. My friends have been able to stand beside me and direct me in the right path. They are the ones that can tell me the truth about the stupidity of my actions. And they are the ones that can tell me how beautiful I am. They can see when I may be hurting, only to lift me up. Read in my messages the feelings I try so hard to hide, only to pull them out.
If it wasn’t for the people in my life, I would not be the person I am today. That point in my life I was truly at my bottom. Living life as if I was nothing and only to serve others. Thinking about who and how life would be affected if I was no longer around. It took me some time, but I have a special set of people in my life that is my support. My true support, to get me to open my eyes or just hold me up when I need to.
We are stars of our book of life. We are stars in this universe. Each one of us holds a sparkle and shine like no other. Life will never be easy or fair. Fighting against us in ways we never realized. Let’s shine our stars so bright to blind the dark. Using our positive memories, strength from friends and family, and the true support of our loved ones. It is time to shine bright…together.
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With great warmth,
