I have no idea how short or long this post will be today. I honestly don’t know what to talk about. It’s like I have no words, but I know I feel something. I think. It feels as if I am moving through my day because I have to, not that I want to. It was not a bad day. Nor was it a super good day. Today was just a day. Nothing special. Maybe that is why I am lost for words on how I feel. My words ran out.
Today was like every other day. I woke up (too early to feed the dogs) and got myself ready to work. I work from home more often now and today was a home day. I admit my motivation was a little lacking, but I focused myself and got to work. There was nothing exciting to worry about. Nothing to praise about. Just the same routine. And when the day was done, I put everything aside and made dinner.
That was today. Yesterday was a slightly different version of that. And the day before that, I did have something better happen. I was able to connect with a friend. A chance to catch up and laugh. So that day was a great day. Today, was nothing special.
No Words
I go through ups and downs like a never-ending rollercoaster. In one day, I can have positive and negative feelings so many times, I start to get numb. And when someone asks me how I am doing, I can’t answer. Too many times, I find myself just on autopilot. Trying to get through another day. I have no words to respond. I don’t want to say I am happy, because I don’t always feel it. And I don’t want to say I am angry or sad when I just don’t know.
When I get these days (and they seem to happen more often), I try to find a different approach to respond with. Can’t say I am good. Won’t say I am not. So, I try to respond with “I am surviving.” Or I might say, “I am finding my pace.” I will always keep moving forward. Time will not let me sit in the past. So, I think I will turn it around and show, I am still fighting. Right now, my mind and heart need a rest, but I am not stopping with maintaining my worth. I am still learning to love myself and believe I am someone special. I may not have the words right now, but I will very soon. Because I will not give up.
Enjoy this video.
With great warmth,
